


love for edward

by nygmadaydreams



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minor Character Death, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 07:05:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19785715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nygmadaydreams/pseuds/nygmadaydreams
Summary: Isabella's death takes a bigger toll on Ed than Oswald had anticipated. They need to have a talk.





	love for edward

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 2am with my tablet and didn't proofread so uhhhhh sorry for the weird formatting and probable typos hhh
> 
> i would also like to apologize for not updating my fics 'birds fly in different directions' or 'next to me' recently! i've just been in a huge slump lately and depression has hit me hard, so this sad bs was all i've managed to write in the past week or two. i'll try very hard to continue the fics next week! thank you everyone for leaving nice comments and supporting what i love doing 💞

Oswald was distraught. He had never seen Edward in this kind of state. The Ed he knew was cold and calculating, smart and collected. The Ed he now saw in front of him was as far away from that description as possible. Oswald had suspected that the sudden death of Edward's girlfriend might take a bit of a toll on the man, but never had he thought it would have an effect that huge. A few days of mourning, a few tears? Sure, seemed like something Edward could do. Completely shutting himself down and refusing to speak to anyone or even eat? Not in Oswald's plans. Ed seemed... broken. It had been days since they returned from the police station after receiving the unfortunate news, and he still refused to leave his bedroom. Oswald checked up on him every day just to make sure he was still breathing, but having a conversation was completely out of the question. All Ed did was lay in his bed, fully covered by the hefty blankets, occasionally sniffling.

Oswald had had enough, and he finally decided to do the inevitable and try to get Edward to speak. With a nice cup of honey tea he knocked on the door to Edward's bedroom. He hadn't expected an answer to begin with, so he didn't let himself get discouraged by the lack of response. He turned the doorknob and let himself quietly into the room. It was dark, no lights were on and the thick curtains were pulled in front of the mirror to stop any of the setting sun from getting into the room. Oswald noticed the familiar lump of fabric on the bed. Ed truly looked like he hadn't moved for a week.

"Edward?" Oswald said carefully as he made his way over to the bed. He placed the cup of tea on the bedside table and turned the bedside lamp on. The dim lighting felt inviting to Oswald, and he hoped the other man felt the same way. "Are you awake, Ed?"

"Mmm," came a response from under the covers.

"I brought some tea. Would you drink it, please?"

"No thank you," Edward muttered, still refusing to push the covers out of the way.

"I think it'd be good for you. It's honey tea, your favourite," Oswald said and took the cup from the table, stirring the spoon in the liquid so it wouldn't set. "It's better warm, you know."

By some miracle unbeknown to Oswald, Ed complied. He emerged from the blankets and caught Oswald by surprise with the amount of messiness presented before him. Ed's hair was like a curly crow's nest, sweaty strands stuck to his forehead. His skin was pale yet his cheeks glowed red; he definitely seemed feverish. When he spoke, his voice was low and rough.

"Thank you, I suppose," he muttered and took the cup from Oswald's hands. Edward seated himself in the middle of the bed and took a small sip. Oswald looked pleased with the development, but his small smile faded fast.

"Are you starting to feel any better?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"Don't think honey tea is that miraculous."

"I meant in general," Oswald said, flustered by the blunt response.

"Nope," Ed mumbled into the teacup and slurped loudly.

"I know this is difficult for you," Oswald said and attempted another smile, but again it was a lost cause. "I know what it feels like."

"Do you?" Edward asked and surprised Oswald again. They looked at each other and momentarily Oswald felt even scared by the expression behind Ed's dark eyes. "Do you, Oswald? Because I know you have never been in love."

Oswald's pale eyes lit up in anger. "I lost my mother. And my father," he hissed, glaring at Edward for the comment. He knew Ed was hurting, but that gave him no right to disrespect his feelings like that. "So yes, Edward, I do know how you feel and I'm doing my damnest to be here for you, but it doesn't seem like you're giving me the opportunity to help!"

Ed's face fell and he looked very anxious all of sudden. "Sorry," he said sheepishly and handed the half-finished cup of tea back to Oswald. "I just..." he sighed and rubbed his temples, squeezing his eyes shut, "I'm just upset. And the headache isn't helping. So I act like an asshole."

Oswald's face softened and he reached to grab Edward. The movement was met a flinch from Ed, who backed away from the touch like it burned. "I- I'm sorry," Oswald said, eyes widened. "I should've asked first."

Edward looked at him unblinkingly for a second before his lip quiverred and he lunged into the mattress again. He let out an audible sob, one to tug on Oswald's heartstrings, and buried his face into the pillow. "I'm just so tired!" he shouted into the pillow, trembling. Oswald had no idea what to do. Ed hadn't even liked the thought of Oswald touching his shoulder, so a hug would most definitely be off-limits...

"Ed, talk to me," Oswald pleaded, scooting closer to the man despite the fear of being pushed awah again. "Please look at me and tell me what's wrong."

"What's wrong?" That was apparently the wrong thing to say, because Edward raised his head with an offended scoff. Oswald frowned as soon as he saw the tears flowing down Edward's cheeks. "What's wrong, you ask?! EVERYONE I LOVE DIES, that's what!" Ed snapped, voice breaking in the midst of his screech.

Oswald's mouth gaped open like a fish's but nothing came out of it. Edward continued blabbering, but it was completely incoherent due to the violent shaking of his voice and entire body as the waves of shivers and sobs crashed through his body. "I... I-I'm s-sorry..." was everything Oswald could make out of the babble. Ed sunk into the bed again and wrapped himself into a fetal position, shutting his eyes and still repeating the unintelligble apologies.

There was simply nothing else Oswald could do than raise his hand and run it through Edward's curls. When his hand first made contact, Edward tried to move away, but within a few seconds he relaxed into the touch and let Oswald pet his messy hair. Oswald massaged his head gently with one band while rubbing Edward's back with the other, shushing soothingly.

"It'll be okay. I'm here. I won't leave you, Eddie..."

His attempts at calming Ed down started slowly working. The brunette still cried, but the violent shaking had stopped. If Ed had been going through a panic attack, it was seemingly over. He even dared to flip on his back and face Oswald, despite his face being all wet, red and snotty. Oswald smiled gently at him and reached for the drawer by the bed. He pulled out a tissue box and handed a couple tissues to Ed, who accepted them without a fuss.

"Would you like to talk?" Oswald asked very softly when Ed had managed to wipe his face clean. He was scared the question would trigger another anxiety attack, but Ed just sniffled and shrugged.

"My mom used to always do this whenever I was sad or scared," Oswald continued speaking when Ed kept silent. A melancholic smild made its way on the older man's face. "She'd always sit by my bedside and run my back while humming until I calmed down. It always worked. Then she'd make me a cup of hot chocolate or something and we'd talk it over."

"How did you get over it?" Ed asked quietly. He sounded so weak and small that Oswald's heart nearly broke then and there. "Your mom's death, I mean."

"Well, you were there, weren't you?" Oswald said and smiled a little. "You saw me go through this. You helped me realize that love is our biggest weakness. 'For some, love is a source of strenght. But for us it will always be our greatest weakness.' I will always remember those words."

"I guess I can't even follow my own advice," Ed said with a bitter tone. Oswald chuckled even though there was nothing funny about Edward's words.

"Earlier you said that everyone you love dies," Oswald changed the subject slightly and made Ed frown. "Do you want to open up about that? I understand if it's too personal."

"No it- it's just..." Edward stumbled in his words, clearly unsure how to approach the subject. "That is just how I feel. I hurt everyone I love..."

"I know the feeling, trust me," Oswald said and grimaced, punching himself mentally. The state Ed currently was in was his fault. He had hurt Edward so badly, he had been so selfish! If Edward ever figured out what actually happened to his girlfriend, there would be hell to pay...

"First it was Kristen. I loved her and I killed her," Edward said and swallowed audibly. "Then Isabella. I loved her and got her in danger. If I'd never met her maybe she'd still be fine..."

"Ed, you cannot blame yourself for a car accident," Oswald said, forcing himself to not have a breakdown right then and there.

"But I made her leave late! The train wouldn't have--"

"Edward." Oswald grabbed him gently by the shoulder. He did not want Ed to go on another tangent about god-knows-what. Edward looked like he was on the brink of tears again and Oswald felt exactly the same way.

"I used to have this cat I really cared for. As a kid." The change in subject was so abrupt that Oswald took a moment to even register the new conversation topic. He nodded as Ed continued, not wanting to shut him down now that he was starting to open up again.

"I really liked that cat. It wasn't actually mine, just a stray from the neighborhood. I bought it milk and treats whenever I had money to spare. It was my best friend. Only friend... I spent a lot of time with it because I didn't want to go home." A tear fell down onto the pillow again. "One day I was coming home from school and it was on the road. Someone had driven over it. It was almost dead, suffering on the sidewalk. It died on my arms."

"Ed, I'm sorry..." Oswald muttered. What else could he say? He had never had pets, but he knew how much othdr humans cared for their animals. This was interesting information, because Oswald had never thought that Ed was an animal lover. You learned something new every day.

"My mom died when I was fourteen." Oswald came back to present so fast he almost felt nauseous. He stared at Ed, unsure if he had just heard him correctly. Edward never talked about his family. The only thing Oswald vaguely was aware of was the fact that Ed's dad had been an abusive asshole. Ed had never mentioned his mother before.

"Oh my god, what happened?" Oswald finally got out of his mouth after realizing he'd been staring at Ed for an awkwardly long time. Ed pulled the blanket over himself again. Only his sad face and messy hair were visible.

"She killed herself," he whispered. "Overdosed on fentanyl."

"How... how did you find out?"

"I found her when I came home from school one afternoon. Dad was gone, probably at work or something. She was laying on the sofa. At first I thought she was asleep but then I noticed she wasn't breathing."

"That's horrible," Oswald said. There was a lump in his throat. He wanted nothing more than to give Edward a hug, but he wasn't sure if the brunette would appreciate it.

"She- she also used to sit by my bed," Ed said, voice cracking as he started properly crying again. "She would sit. And hug me. And stroke my hair. And say it would all be okay one day. She said she would never leave. A-and the she did."

"That wasn't fair of her," Oswald said. "She should've been there for you. For her son."

"I don't blame her!" Ed said and, to Oswald's terror, laughed. It sounded so sad and broken, it gave him shivers. "S-she just wanted it to s-stop! She wanted to get away... She was tired."

Oswald didn't know how to reply, but luckily Ed saved him from the trouble. "I tried to do it too, you know? I wanted to go with her. I wanted to get away too. But I... I failed."

"You tried to commit suicide?" Oswald asked, completely flabbergasted. He had seen a few faded scars on Ed's forearms whenever he'd roll up his sleeves or something, but he had never commented on them. Everyone had things they just wanted to forget. It hadn't felt right.

"I tried to jump off the roof of our house," Ed murmured, wiping his face on the blanket. "I mean, I did jump. That part was easy. It was the dying that was hard." Another grim chuckle. "A neighbor saw me fall and called 911. I just got two broken limbs and, once I got out of the casts and what-not, thr beating of a lifetime."

"You tried to kill yourself and your father thought the best solution was to hit you?!" Oswald exclaimed, suddenly filled with anger. God, he wanted to go and beat the shit out of Edward's father right then and there.

Edward nodded. "At that moment, crying on the living room floor, I realized why... why he hated me so much. I mean, I was so stupid and useless I couldn't even KILL MYSELF right!"

"Ed-"

"And years later I figured out why," Edward interrupted and looked at Oswald dead in the eye with the most pained, heartbreaking expression Oswald had ever seen. "It's because the ones I love die. And there is no one in this world I love less than me."

Oswald was speechless. Everything Ed had just said was simply too much for him to process. He just stared at Ed, whose facial expression had turned almost blank. He looked dead inside, simply looking back at him with tears endlessly falling down. "There is no one in this world who loves me," he whispered.

Oswald finally broke down. He lunged forward and buried Edward in the heaviest hug he had ever given anyone. Ed didn't resist, he didn't have thr physical power to. Instead, he just let Oswald hold him for a very long time. When they finally separated, Oswald also had tears in his eyes.

"You're wrong, Ed," he said and swiped a curl off of Ed's face. Edward, through the tears, looked at him with a puzzled expression. "There is someone out there who really, really loves you. Loves you more than anything in the world."

"You don't have to lie to me, Oswald."

"I am not. I swear," Oswald said. He didn't know what hit him, but he leaned in and kissed Edward's forehead. It was really just his lips brushing against Ed's skin, but it felt absolutely miraculous to him. Exciting, but also terrifying.

"I love you," Oswald whispered and looked at Ed in the eyes one more time before promptly pulling apart and standing up. He took the remaining tea and limped to the door before Ed could say a word, or perhaps throw something at him, or maybe laugh at him. Really, there were a million ways Ed could react and Oswald didn't like the sound of any of them.

"Good night, Eddie," he said as he turned to look at Ed over his shoulder. Edward just looked at him, eyes wide and clearly not knowing what to say or do. "Sleep well. And know this," Oswald hesitated, unsure whether his next words would be too sappy, "you're the best thing that ever happened to me."


End file.
